"The choices we make change
the story of our life." ©

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

 

U-Turn to Words For The Journey

Welcome to my second day as guest on Allison Bottke’s BLOG. For some reason, Allison and I couldn’t get my picture to work on my first day’s introduction, so I wanted to be sure and include it today, and voila! It worked! That’s me in a picture taken by my husband against my faux-painted breakfast nook wall in Texas, before the big move north and west. My, what we can do with digital technology! Okay, so it didn't work. Sheesh! If you want to see who I am, you can mosey on over to my website www.wordsforthejourney.org. Hopefully, we can work this out so I can show you some other pictures I have to share.

Alright, back on task…Yesterday, I just wanted to give you a snapshot of who I am and what the Lord has assigned to me. An odd choice of words, I know, but I believe the things He is doing in my life, and yours, are exactly that – assignments. Words For The Journey was only birthed because it was His will to do so. Believe me when I say, He completely led the way. There was certainly no opportunity for dodging this particular path he laid before me. The only reason I can say that is because I was at the point of complete surrender. His will, His way…I wanted nothing more, nothing less. But, before "surrender" I was faced with a "CROSSroad." And that is what my story is about. You can see the story in its entirety in Allison’s latest book, God Allows U-Turns for Women. But I believe it bears worth repeating here, not verbatim, but from my heart once again.

Like so many young women, I was a go-er and a do-er, busy with this and that, accomplishing anything and everything that crossed my path. The necessities of life became burdens. After all, who really needs to sleep longer than 5 or 6 hours a night? And who says we need to eat with health in mind to sustain our energy? And while we’re at it, why in the world would God put so many tasks in front of me if He didn’t see fit for me to tackle each of them myself? And then, He pulled the emergency brake.

I found myself in bed with a low-grade fever, achy muscles, and absolutely no energy. In fact, I could barely get up for a minute at a time without feeling as though I would pass out. And after brief excursions, to the restroom and back, I would have to lie very still, letting the lingering affects of dizziness and nausea pass. The doctors passed it off as a virus and told me that I would just have to let it run its course.

One month passed, and I knew that all the proverbial balls I had been juggling in the way of hectic activity had dropped from my hands. The thing I didn’t realize was this – I wasn’t supposed to be juggling all those balls. They didn’t belong to me, and somewhere along the way, I had relieved someone else of a responsibility that was uniquely assigned to them, not me. I watched women I had known for so long graciously come in, pick up the dropped balls and walk away cradling them steadily in their hands.

At first, this process felt like they were stealing from me. Those were my obligations, not theirs. Was God stripping me of all I could DO for Him? Would He ever let me DO for Him again? Many questions cluttered my mind as I questioned my life’s importance. I truly loved God with all my heart, but couldn’t help but wonder if was doing something wrong? Had I fallen from His grace? How could I possibly please Him from my bed? All I could do was rest, and watch the joy of busy-ness release easily into other’s hands.

Here is an excerpt from my story to express my deepest frustrations:

The previous two years had been a time of waiting, searching, listening, and watching. Contentment had been hard to find, and I ran circles trying to find fulfillment. "Is this what you want me to do, God? Do you want me to give more time to the schools, to the church? I'll do it all. I'll do it all for You. Just tell me; I'll do it!"

That’s what I had been doing. Running circles, spinning wheels that didn’t belong to me, all for my OWN fulfillment. My thinking had been skewed into believing that the only way God would find me pleasing to Him was through my DO-ing.
Then came the point of surrender. I was undone and all my works had ceased. That’s when I finally reached out to God, not as a DO-er, but as His daughter. "Where do I begin again?"

Don’t you just love cliffhangers? I think I’ll stop there and pick up the rest of my story tomorrow. Stay tuned…

And that is my entry for today. Until tomorrow, and forever…


…under His Grace,
Sharen Watson
Allison
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